It's every parent's nightmare isn't it. And it happened to me. Just two days ago. I was walking round my sitting room with my baby in my arms, and I slipped. On nothing. Jst slipped. I landed on my bum, and at some point between losing my footing and landing I dropped my baby. She landed on the back of her head, and knocked her head as she went on the table leg. Two whacks to the head.
It made a noise I will never forget. It sounded as if her skull had been crushed. The panic I felt, the fear that I had killed my baby. But she cried. Screamed. Wailed. Stared at me with a very very angry but very focussed little face. We called an ambulance. On the phone they reassured me, if she's crying, she's fine, we're on our way.
In the ambulance she slept, while I cried. The paramedic said don't worry, this happens to everyone. Really? Everyone drops their baby? No, not everyone, but lots of people do.
We arrived at the hospital. A nurse came to take her blood pressure. My baby laughed. She's very ticklish. They shoved a paracetamol up her bum, and said I could feed her. They took me through to the doctor. We had already met a few months ago when she was admitted for suspected bronchiolitis which turned out to be a cold. He felt her skull, she laughed. They weighed her and she shrieked with ticklish joy.
The doctor said, you're panicking, don't worry, babies' heads are very flexible. The swelling is already going down, she's alert, she didn't pass out, there's no bruise, her BP and temperature are fine, and she's laughing. Go home. Here are the signs of concussion to look out for, and handed me a list.
So I picked my baby up, very carefully, and the doctor said, you on the other hand need an xray, you've hurt your back. I'll phone radiology. No, no, no, I'm taking my baby home. So we went through some formalities and paperwork. I did a breath test, I suppose they can't be too careful. I phoned my husband, and said he was to come and get us, that we are fine.
36 hours on and my baby is fine. She gurgles at the dog, pulls on my hair, and although her skull isn't quite the same shape it was two days ago, they say it will sort itself out. I am hobbling round like an old woman, with a very bruised bum and coccyx. Every time I look at where we fell I hear the sound of my baby's skull hitting the floor. I suppose I will do for a long time yet. Every time I pick her up my heart kind of lurches. I assume I will get my confidence back.
I dropped my baby on her head. One day I will forgive myself.